I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
