My sheets look like a crime scene.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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