my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
