yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
