My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did I show you my penis last night?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
