In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
