There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I intend to get homeless drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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