oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
