who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
