Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
