The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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