Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Congratulations! We have a period
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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