If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
