Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
