i dedicated my morning wood to you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
