when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
