Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
