Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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