just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
