like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
