This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
