i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
time to smoke my breakfast
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
