Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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