I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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