My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YAS. BRING CRAB.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
