at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
