I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I love having hate sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
