so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
