Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
