can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
