I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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