how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
