I think i peed on brittanys purse
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
