so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
