arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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