If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
