Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
