Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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