I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
