I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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