i jhust puked up my retainher.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
