My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
