im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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