im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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