What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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