I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
