wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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