The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
