with your own penis?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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