Just cropdusted the office
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
