I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
