Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
