why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
