4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
