At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
